Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers

 

Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers, you either remember them from your childhood or you just found them on Disney Plus. The cartoon was a spin-off of The Rescuers franchise and they added in Chip and Dale. Like most Disney shows back then it had a kick-ass theme song and a bunch of merch. So when they announced there would be a reboot of shorts I thought it would be a well-written and still funny series like Ducktales. Instead, it was a great meta film that gave us an update on the “Toontown” world that was initially made in the Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The movie is in good hands tho, whose hands? It's the people behind Lonely Island. What could go wrong?

The film talks about a fall from grace and the separation of the dynamic duo. It put a focus on the characters knowing each other since childhood and perfected the vaudeville-style act. That eventually got them the TV show where Chip ( voiced by John Mulaney) plays the straight man and Dale ( voiced by Andy Sandberg) plays the comedy relief on the show. Dale didn't feel appreciated and eventually left to go solo. That caused the show itself to get canceled and his solo outing crashed and burned. Like most stars with their best days behind them, he finds himself working the convention circuit signing autographs he event paid to be rendered in 3-D  with hopes of getting more work.

 

     

 While chip has walked away from the entire industry as a whole and lives a life of solitude. Besides his pet dog. A friend in need reaches out to both of them. Will they be able to settle their issues and solve a real mystery? 

Toons are getting kidnapped without a trace. They end up traveling to the Uncanny Valley. A land where a lot of CGI characters look slightly off and most of them have expressionless faces. This is still one of the funniest jokes in the film especially if you are a movie person. The main villain of the movie might be the darkest story point that I can't help but feel was intentional on the writer's part.

Peter Pan has been kidnapping toons altering their look to make low-budget versions of Disney films. He started it out of spite because Disney cast him out when he got too old. They didn't even help him get new work. This is what happened to the original voice actor Bobby Driscoll. Sadly he became a heroin addict and died at 30. The writers of this movie are sharp so they made a villain we can understand. Plus we have all seen knockoff Disney movies before so making it all come together is awesome. 

 

  

This movie despite a few predictable moments has a lot of heart. Just enough that allows me to not scold it for obvious plot points. The execution is admirable and they stick the landing for this to be the director's first big outing I think he did a fantastic job. The only issue I have with the film is the voice acting of John Mulaney. His voice is too cynical all the time in the film and it takes me out of it. He does nothing new to his voice as Chip he might as be Seth Rogen. All I see in most of the is Andrew from Big Mouth. Thus making this an almost perfect movie. I would like to see more stories from this world. The easter eggs are too many counts.         

Yes Ugly Sonic is a God Tier 

The film is a fun one and has high replay value. I'm not sure how much kids will appreciate it, but the kid at heart.

Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers: Final Grade B+ 

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F^#$ YOU HALO (A SALTY REVIEW)

 I have been a fan of Halo since day one. Not only the video game series but the books and comics as well. There are so many good stories in there that could be told on the big screen. Initially, there was an announcement back in 2011 by Steven Speilberg that he would head up a Halo series. Of course, nothing came of it. If you haven't seen it here is the link to judge for yourself HALO

Meanwhile, the dawn of fan films came about and you saw creators making their own halo stories based on and around the lore. Making a movie should be easy. In 2017 I wrote about why there hasn't been one yet check it out here  https://www.amerimewire.com/2017/05/why-no-halo-movie.html. But in 2022 behold the 10 million dollars per episode epic which is Halo. An Epic fucking disaster. The series which should have easily been a slam dunk went out of its way to be a failure and since it was contracted out for 2 seasons it's safe to say that the streaming platform paramount plus is already behind the curve because Star Trek can't save a whole service. But allow me to dive in a bit.

The showrunners thought it would be best to not play the video games or look at the already-established lore. That's like someone asking for steak at a restaurant and you being to cook pigs butt. They misunderstood the whole assignment. First of all, they call it the Silver timeline to make it clear that this isn't related to any of the 20 years of work already laid down. This is just a lazy way of saying “ We didn't play any of the games or read any of the material” which we find out late is a lie. As the show goes on we find that they did know the source material just enough to mutate it for the sake of their own story. They use the fact that the doctor behind the Spartan Program was able to make clones of people but the clones would eventually die of sickness. 

Then we have the Master Chief. A shadow of his former self in so many ways. Not only does he seem to spend a lot of time out of his armor. He is also sexualized with nude & sex scenes. The sex scene is with a character that is made up for the show and is supposed to be the enemy. The Master Chief is played by Pablo Schreiber who some of you might remember from “ Orange is the New Black” and the show American Gods. review for that here https://www.amerimewire.com/2017/07/american-gods-why-am-i-so-late.html.

The showrunners made it about putting a face to the chief. But not for the sake of storytelling. If it were for storytelling they would have held back on it as Jon Faveru did for The Mandalorian. We didn't see his face till the end of the first season. They blew their load at the end of the first episode. On top of that, this version of the character hasn't earned anything from the viewer to even understand his new motives or ambitions because they decided to make their own story. But they wanted us to fill in the blanks with what we already know but none of it matches!! All these squares don't make a damn circle

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These secondary characters are bland!!! Kwan Ha takes up so much of the season's runtime with a bland by-the-numbers story that could have been in an entirely other bland show. Not only is her story bland but the character is unbearable and I hope the character (not the actor) dies. The other character Makee was predictable. She was raised by the covenant and is becoming a mole to get to the MC and kill him. It was so tiring and I wished this wasn't here. Of all the secondary characters there was only one decent enough to mention and that is. Soren is played by Bokeem Woodbine. 

He's an escaped Spartan turned space pirate/mercenary. He has charisma but a lot of

what he does is predictable, to say the least

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They had all of these books to adapt. But instead, they spit in the face of the fans who have been here since the day keeping the franchise strong. The showrunner's hubris is deafening. Show creators that are barely seasoned in my opinion with shows like LoneStar, The Last Ship, and American Dad under their belts this feels like a setup. We were teased with Steven Speilberg & Neil Blomkamp a decade ago but ended up with Steven Kane and Kyle Killen. It's ordering a Filet Mignon and lobster but they bought you a burnt hamburger and shitty popcorn shrimp. If this is what Halo is serving I would rather starve. Don’t forget this is the same studio behind the Sonic movies a franchise that by all accounts should have failed. 

Halo Season One: final grade F (fuck this show )  

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